


Accepting Anxiety

by JustAReader23346798



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series), Thomas Sanders
Genre: Abusive Deceit Sanders, Angst with a Happy Ending, Bad Ending, Dissociation, Fluff, Heavy Angst, I call Deceit Damian, Implied/Referenced Abuse, Multiple Endings, POV Multiple, Panic Attacks, Platonic LAMP - Freeform, Suicide, Suicide Attempt, parenting AU, referenced self-harm, vent - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-13
Updated: 2019-01-28
Packaged: 2019-10-09 13:01:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 3
Words: 6,182
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17407388
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JustAReader23346798/pseuds/JustAReader23346798
Summary: If you think about it, Accepting Anxiety is about how Virgil killed himself and the other 3 had to go into the after life to bring him back.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Please read and be aware of the tags!!!  
> Self Harm tw  
> Suicide tw  
> Abuse tw  
> This takes place in an au where Logan, Roman, Patton and Virgil are basically the foster parents of little kid Thomas!

Virgil buried his face deeper into the pillow.  
He was sobbing hard, and was trying desperately to keep his cries silent as to avoid annoying or waking his neighbors in the apartment next door.  
He hated this.  
‘Everything was supposed to be better here...’ he thought to himself.  
Patton, Roman and Logan weren’t supposed HATE him. But they did.  
At every chance he got Roman would brutally insult him and Logan would brush him off. Patton did his best to be kind but Virgil could tell… he could tell Patton actually hated him.  
His sobs turned violent as he began to shake.  
He’d come here because he wanted to help them, he wanted things to get better…. But they didn’t listen to him.  
No one ever listened to him.  
Not until he started acting the way he did. Scary, mean and to put it bluntly- like a jerk.  
He didn’t want to act like this, he hated acting like this! But they didn’t listen to him until he started acting like this! He wanted- needed- to protect them, and apparently this was the only way to do so.  
But fuck, it hurt so much.  
They hated him for it.  
He just wanted to help.  
But…

His phone buzzed and he choked on his own sobs that were erupting uncontrolled from his throat.  
He knew who it was from.

Truth be told, he didn’t only come here to help them. 

He looked up slightly and lifted his phone to his face. His tears blurred his vision but he could still see and read the text message. 

From Damien:  
So, how’re your new friends treating you, V?

He threw his phone at the wall and buried his face into his pillow again.  
“G-d dammit….” he sobbed quietly. “Why can’t you leave me alone, you fucking snake?” 

His phone buzzed again. 

From Damien:  
I’ll take your silence as confirmation. They hate you don’t you?

The main reason he’d come was to escape them. Damien and everyone else. He needed to get away from them. He thought that maybe, just maybe, things would get better if he came to Patton, Roman and Logan.  
But they didn’t  
He curled into a ball around his pillow, sobbing so hard that he could barely breath.

From Damien:  
Come back home, Virge. Come back to us. We love you.

“Things are never going to get better.” he cried and turned onto his back staring up at the ceiling. He could feel something cracking inside him. 

From Damien:  
They don’t care about you, they hate you, you know that! We appreciate you, Virge.

From Damien:  
Stop indulging in your make believe memories and come home before I send one of the other to drag your dramatic ass home. 

“Stop...” he whimpered.  
“Just make it stop...” he slapped his hands onto his face and closed his eyes, crying into his palms.

From Damien:  
You’re not wanted there. You’re wanted here! 

‘No one wants me… No one cares….’  
He felt whatever was cracking shatter.  
He sat up on his bed, his eyes hollow and his sobs had turned into empty breaths.  
“They’ve made it all pretty clear that I’m not wanted...” he murmured to himself.  
He thought about Thomas. The little kid, always running around happily and playing with Patton or Roman. Logan helping him with his homework.  
They were all there for him.  
He thought about their interactions. How he cried practically every time he opened his mouth to talk to him. The first time, and only time, he’d ever babysat him Thomas had ended up locking himself up in a closet and crying.  
Virgil only wants to help him…  
But he didn’t need him. 

From Damien.  
You’re horrible, Virgil, you know that? You’re hurting them, hurting US! How could you do this?!

He got up from his bed.  
“I’m not wanted...” he said to himself.  
He walked to his bathroom.  
It was a mess. The lights were off and all the mirrors had either been shattered or covered with blankets and cloths.  
He lifted up the cup he kept his toothbrush in.  
Under which was a razor.  
He picked it up and pulled up his sleeve.  
His arm was covered in scars. Some old and faded and some fresh and puffed up pink and red.  
His entire arm was stained with these scars. Even his hand had a few, “paper cuts” he’d said. The only spot that hadn’t been painted red was his wrist.  
“They don’t want me...” he told himself. “They’ve all made that pretty clear.”  
He brought the razor down to his vein.

~~~~~~~

Patton knocked on Virgil's door. “Virgil? Come on out kiddo!”  
There was no answer.  
“Uh? How dare he-” Roman said in his usual dramatic fashion.  
“Now calm down kiddo, you catch more bees with honey that vinegar.” Patton reassured.  
He knocked again.  
“Come on out here so everyone can see that cool make up!”  
There was still no answer.  
“Well, love has failed me.” Patton said, turning to the other 2.  
“Here, let me-” Roman started until he was interrupted by Logan.  
“Do you really think that you, of all people, is who he wants to hear from this time of obvious negativity?”  
The tie wearing genius knocked loudly on the door.  
“Virgil? Open the door.”  
“Well, well, well, look who the cat dragged in.”  
The 3 turned to the side and grimaced.  
“Damien?”  
“What are you doing here, you snake?”  
~~~~~~~  
Virgil stumbled backwards.  
He was bleeding a lot.  
He could hear the blood splatter onto the floor from his wrist.  
Splat  
Splat  
Splat  
Spla-  
He heard knocking at the door.  
Who the hell was that?  
He heard voices.  
He didn’t want to see anyone right now.  
His vision was beginning to blur as he shut and locked the bathroom door. His head felt heavy and his forehead hot.  
He stumbled backwards., tripping and falling into the bathtub.  
He curled in on himself and held his wrist, a small puddle of blood forming around it and dripping down. 

~~~~~~~

“Same as all of you.” Damien said, walking towards the other 3.  
“Checking on Mr. PG-13.”  
The other 3 backed up a bit, Roman standing in front of the Logan and Patton in a defensive position.  
“Have you 3 knocked yet, or have you just been standing here like buffoons?”  
“Of course we’ve knocked. It’s the only logical thing to do in this situation.” Logan said, fixing his tie to settle his nerves.  
“Has he not answered?” Damien asked, standing in front of the door and staring at it for a moment.  
“What does it look like, Jack the Fibber?” Roman retorted.  
Damien looked at the 3 and then back at the door. He sighed and balanced on one foot, slamming his boot against the door knob.  
“Hey, come on let’s just-” Patton tried to say but the door slammed open before he finished.  
Damien walked in, disregarding the others.  
The other 3, after a moment of looking at each other and hesitation, walked in and started looking around.  
“Virgil? Where are ya kiddo?” 

Damien scoffed. Virgil’s apartment was in complete chaos, just as he’d expected. He was definitely taking Virgil home with him once he found him.  
“Virgil? Come on, raccoon eyes, it’s time to stop being selfish.” He called out to him.  
“Well, here’s his phone.” Roman said from the other side of the room. He looked at the screen. “With plenty of messages from our little snake friend over there.” He glared at Damien.  
The yellow and brown eyed heterochromic man shrugged and continued searching.  
~~~~~~~

Patton was beyond concerned. He hadn’t heard from Virgil in almost 2 days now. It wasn’t odd for his strange, dark son to go silent for a few days, but it was beyond concerning for him not to answer him when he texted him.  
Not to mention leave him on read.  
“Virgil?” he called out again.  
He came to the bathroom door after checking the closet and found it locked.  
“Kiddo? Are you in there, you dark little angel?” He asked gently, knocking on the door.  
“He must be. It’s the last place remaining that we haven’t checked,” Logan said before knocking on the door. “Virgil?”  
Damien raised his leg and started kicking the door knob.  
“Unless he’s not in his apartment.” Roman theorized.  
“Where else would he be, Ro-”  
Everyone stopped when the door was finally open, even Damien.

There was blood on the floor, a small puddle before the sink and a trail leading to the bathtub. The mirrors were all either broken or covered and they could see Virgil’s side rising and falling in the bath tub.  
“VIRGIL?!” Patton screamed, running in. 

~~~~~~~

Virgil was almost asleep and he could feel a faint, pulsing stinging from his wrist circulating through his body.  
He could hear someone call his name, who was that?  
He felt a pair of hands on his shoulders.  
“Kiddo? KIDDO?!”  
Patton, was that Patton?  
He opened his mouth and then closed it, not finding the energy to say anything.  
His ears were ringing and noise around him was starting to become muffled.  
He heard another voice, what were they saying?  
“Just hang in there, Virgil!” Patton said, lifting and cradling him over the bath tub railing.  
His arms fell limp at his side, and he could feel his wrist pumping out what little blood left it could.  
“Well, well, well.”  
His eyes shot wide open.  
His vision was blurred and it was hard to hear anything through the sound of the ringing in his ears but he could still clearly make out Damien’s voice and figure standing behind Patton staring at him.  
His yellow eye seemed to glow while staring at him and a smirk spread across his face.  
“Somehow, I knew you’d end up like this, Virgil.” He said smugly at him, holding his hand in his chin.  
He heard a muffled yell and Damien was knocked back, a blurry, white sleeved arm and fist had launched itself into his face.  
Roman?  
Who else was here?  
“STOP FIGHTING!” Patton screamed desperately. “STOP IT BOTH OF YOU!”  
He felt a third, trembling hand land gently on his shoulder next to Patton's.  
“It’s ok, Virge.”  
Logan?  
“The ambulance is on its way. You’re going to be ok.”  
His voice was quivering.  
He would’ve chuckled to himself if he had the breath.  
Mr. Emotionless logic man was scared? Sad?  
Feeling ANY sort of emotion and not acting totally robotic?  
Never thought he’d see the day.  
“Please just hang in there, kiddo… Please...” Patton sobbed, and he felt him push his head into Virgil's hair.  
Patton….  
“Sorry….” he breathed out as his eyelids became heavy. He finally gave into the gentle lull of exhaustion and fell asleep.


	2. Good End

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Virgil awakes in a hospital and the others coax him to explain why he tried to kill himself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm taking a sick day off of school, and I feel just well enough to finish and upload this, hope you enjoy it! The last chapter, Bad Ending, will probably be out sometime either this weekend or next week.

Virgil’s head felt foggy.  
What the hell happened?  
Where was he?   
He hesitantly opened his eyes, but quickly shut them again due to how bright whatever room he was in was.  
He slowly lifted his lids again, letting his eyes slowly adjust to the brightness.  
He was staring at a white tiled ceiling.  
He moved his head from left to right.  
Windows with a view of the sky, white walls.  
He heard beeping and turned his head to the other side.  
Hospital equipment.  
Was he at a hospital?  
He looked down.  
He was in a bed wrapped in white sheets while wearing a hospital gown, gauze wrapped around one wrist with a needle in another. His red, fresh cuts on his arms had been cleaned and a few had band aids on them.   
He was definitely in a hospital.  
At the corner of his bed was his sweater, folded neatly with a card on top of it.  
‘Who’s that from?’ He thought to himself.  
He tried to sit up, only to have a stinging numbness course through his bandages wrist up to his elbow.  
He gasped breathlessly and fell back onto his pillows.  
He felt something on his leg move and he looked over.  
Oh, how had he not noticed that the body of Patton was resting on his legs, head buried in his own arms and fists grasping the sheets, fast asleep?  
“P-Patton?” He asked, his voice dry and throat scraping against itself as he spoke.  
Jesus, how long had he been out?  
Patton woke slowly, lifting his head gently with a slight tremor in his arms.  
How long had he been asleep there?  
He looked up at Virgil, his hair messy and his eyes and face red.  
He adjusted his glasses before looking at Virgil.  
His eyes widened and watered a bit.  
“Virgil?” He asked.  
“Hey....” was all Virgil could muster out as a response.  
Patton’s lips began to tremor as the tears started freely flowing down his face.  
He gently, well as gently as he could, launched himself into Virgil’s arms, being careful not to mess up any medical equipment or hurt his son anymore than he already was.  
“What were you thinking?!” Patton sobbed into his shoulder.  
“We thought- I thought I’d lost you!” He was shaking.  
Virgil put his unbandaged hand on his dad-friend’s back.  
“I....”  
Virgil tried to think of something to say, but he had nothing.  
Tears welled in his eyes and he started crying too, burying his head in Patton’s shoulder.

They say there together for a while, even when they’d stopped crying. Resting in the comfort and warmth of each other’s embrace, until eventually the entrance of the others disrupted their embrace.

“There you are, you emo nightmare, you gave us all heart attacks!”  
“It’s relieving to know that you’ve awoken alright, Virgil.”  
Thankfully without Damien.

~~~~~~  
Patton hesitantly let go of Virgil and sat up, looking at the other two. His hair was a mess and his glasses had become disheveled again. His eyes were red and poofy, his face flushed and a slightly trembling hand was still cupped tightly around Virgil’s, as if afraid that if he let go the gash in his wrist would finish him off for good.

Patton shuttered at the thought of it.

Roman awkwardly kicked his feet for a moment as Logan straightened his tie, settling his nerves.  
“Virgil,” Logan began, taking the reigns that everyone else was trembling before.  
As if he weren’t just as scared as the rest of them.  
He walked toward the hospital bed, pulling up a chair and sitting opposite of Patton.  
He looked at Virgil’s arms and then at his wrist, as if thinking and calculating on how to start this.  
“Roman, kiddo,” Patton said, buying Logan a little bit of time.  
“Come sit over here with us.”  
Roman nodded, putting a hand on the back of his neck as he pulled up a chair next to Logan.  
“Virgil, what...” Logan paused again. He straightened out his tie once more before continuing. “What made you think that these courses of action were needed?” He finally said, gesturing to his arms and bandaged wrist.  
Virgil looked away and stayed silent.  
“It’s ok, songbird, you can tell us.” Patton reassured, running his thumb gently over the top of Virgil’s hand.  
He wanted to know too. No, actually, he HAD to know. What made his little sweet and sour misunderstood shadowling do this to himself?  
Cut himself to the point where he didn’t think that these scars would every fully heal.  
And, worst of all, try to kill himself?  
If someone was responsible they were in for one stern talking too.  
If it wasn’t a person then....  
Patton just wanted to know what was so terribly wrong for Virgil.

~~~~~~  
Virgil’s eyes darted back and forth between the other three.  
What the hell was he supposed to tell them?  
Not the truth that’s for sure! They’d get mad, they’d get so so mad. They’d yell and scream if not at him for not being able to take a joke or whatever reason they had, than at each other, blaming each other for the affect their actions had on him.  
But he couldn’t exactly lie! Not convincingly anyway, not right now.  
Oh no, oh no, oh no, oh n-

He felt Patton squeeze his hand. His thumb stroked the top of his hand gently and he looked at the man he’d come to think of as his best friend, the man he was closest too.  
He looked into his eyes. They were bright blue, impossibly so, resembling the sky on a cloudless day, most of the time. Today however, storm clouds swarmed the sky and tainted his eyes with a dark blue sadness.  
He looked to the others.  
Logan, as much as he tried to hide it, his brown eyes were clouded with worry. The usual curtain of robotic lack of emotions was gone now and a dark swirl of worry and concern had slashed said curtains and infested his dark, olive brown eyes now.  
He looked at Roman. He kept his head down and his eyes were locked onto the tiled pearl white floor. His royal red eyes, naturally and uniquely so, they were filled with worry and guilt.   
All the mean names, the passive agressivemess to down right aggressiveness he’d shown towards Virgil (though to be fair Virgil had always, on the surface, seemed to be ready to deflect them right back at him) seemed to be (finally) eating away at his conscious.  
“Guys..” he tried, but his voice was dry and now raw from the sobbing session he’d previously had with Patton.   
“I’ll go get you some water, padre.” Roman said in a rushed gentleness. He quickly walked out of the room, making it clear he didn’t want to be there.   
Virgil felt a bang of some sort of acid feeling begin to eat away at his stomach and he looked at Patton.   
“He’s just worried, kiddo. We all are.” He reassured gently, rubbing his thumb over Virgil’s hand again.  
“He also feels guilty.” Logan said, almost absent minded. How odd for him.   
Patton and Virgil looked at Logan, confusion and shock painting both of their faces.   
Logan looked at them and blinked, as if realizing what he’d just said.   
“He… he feels guilty. He admitted it too me on the ride home from the hospital last night, Patton. He believes that it’s his fault that you did this,” he gestured to his arms his voice shaking a little, which made Virgil dart his eyes to the sheets of his bed. “and tried to do… this.” he finished, looking away as he gestured to his bandaged wrist. 

Roman finally came back after a moment of awkward silence between the 3. Patton had began to absent minded run his finger along Virgil’s hand once again.  
Not that he minded.   
“Here.” Roman nodded, handing Virgil the water and sitting back down next to Logan.  
He brought the water to his lips and scarfed it down. He hadn’t realized how thirsty he was until the fresh water hit his dry tongue.   
“How long have I been out?”  
“Since last night.” Logan said, adjusting his glasses and he crossed his arms over his chest. “The doctors were concerned they hadn’t properly stitched your wrist back up… and um...” he sat properly again and fixed his tie before finishing with, “Well, none the less, you’ve been out a almost 24 hours.”  
“O-oh.” Virgil said, a little empty.   
“Who left my sweater?”   
The other 3 looked at the corner of his bed, as if just noticing.   
Patton stood up immediately, looking at the others with a confused expression, to which Roman shook his head and Logan shrugged.   
He picked up the card and handed it too Virgil along with his sweater. “I’m not sure, kiddo. What’s it say?”   
“U-um,”   
He didn’t want to say.   
It was a little yellow snake with the writing ‘Get well soon!’ with Damien's signature.  
“Not sure.” Virgil lied, setting it onto the bed. “Must’ve been sent to the wrong room.”   
“I don’t think so, it did come with your very distinct sweater. Who ever sent it knew who they were sending it too. Are you sure you don’t know who it’s from, does it not have a signature?” Logan inquired.   
Virgil shook his head and averted his gaze to instead stare at his hands.  
He couldn’t tell them. They knew who Damien is, and what he did.   
He couldn’t bring himself to tell them that he of all people sent him a fucking get well soon card.   
“W-well,” Logan spoke up.  
There was a small pause of awkward silence between the four of them. He couldn’t blame them, how do you even talk about it?  
Well, he supposes that they had been about to start before Roman had to leave to get him some water.   
“Let’s stop beating around the bush.” Patton interjected gently.   
“Like Logan said earlier, why did you do this, Virgil? Why did you try to kill yourself?”   
Patton's voice was shaking noticeably, but he was clearly trying not to cry again.  
Virgil inhaled, holding his breath.   
He couldn’t lie to them. Which meant he would just have to tell them the truth.  
“I felt I wasn’t wanted,” Virgil admitted while exhaling. “I mean you all made that pretty clear any time I was around.”  
“Kiddo!”   
“Except you Patton.”  
“Awe… I love my dark strange son.” Patton smiled a little.   
“Surely you knew we were just preparing ourselves cause we knew something bad would-”   
“Roman...” Patton murmured.  
“Uh… we were just just tensing up for the worst possible-”  
“Roman.” Patton repeated, more sternly this time.   
“Ok, listen, it’s just that, you’re never really any fun and-”  
“ROMAN.” Patton shouted this time.   
Everyone looked at him, surprised by his sudden outburst.   
Virgil turned his head away from the others, doing his best to make sure they couldn’t see his eyes tearing up a little.  
“Let’s just face the facts, ok guys?” He turned back to them after a moment.   
“You’re all better off without me.”   
“Honey!” Patton said, voice softening immediately. He grabbed Virgil's hand in both and his and held it up.  
“No, no no no, no! You’re wrong kiddo.”  
Virgil looked at Patton.   
“I appreciate the sentiment but...” Virgil smiled at Patton, his gaze slowly falling away and becoming dark. “I actually think you were right not to want me around.”  
“I’ve always aimed to protect you guys, all of you! Patton, Thomas, Logan, even you, Roman! But...” a small tear threatened to slip down his cheek.  
“Lately, it’s as if I’ve been keeping you from doing anything.”  
“But you’ve always been so aggressive towards us!” Roman jerked up, a confused look on his face. “Like a thunderstorm that seems to be focusing all of its lightning towards us.”  
“Roman...” Patton murmured again.   
“Putting up a dark persona is the best way to get anyone's guard up. I wanted you guys to listen to me, but I guess I overdid it… so much so that I started hurting you instead of helping you. I even hurt Thomas...”   
“You were never hurting us, Virgil.”   
Everyone turned to Logan. His voice had been rough, as if on the verge of tears, quite unlike the emotionless persona he always put up. His hands were balled in fists around his tie, and his face was looking down.  
“Even if we didn’t appreciate it at the time, most of everything you said to us helped us. Whether it helped us get out of or avoid potentially dangerous situations or just avoid something like accidentally breaking a plate, you never hurt us, Virgil.”  
“And even if you were to hurt us,” Patton said after Logan was finished. “We’d rather work to resolve that pain with you, not without you.”   
He planted a gently, quite kiss on his hand.  
“Never without you.”  
“Virgil,” Roman said, passion and earnest lacing his voice. “If it weren’t for you pushing little Thomas to rehearse and rehearse before his plays and recitals, do you think he would’ve performed as well as he did. You’re the one who pushed him to do the best he could every time.”   
Virgil couldn’t stop the tears now.   
G-ddamnit, how much had he cried these last few days?  
“W-why...”   
“Why are you guys being so nice to me now? Out of nowhere.”  
“Virgil...” Patton took the bandaged emo into his arms again.  
“You weren’t the ones hurting us… we were the ones hurting you.” Roman breathed.   
“We’re sorry, Virgil...” Logan said, and even though all Virgil could see were the blurred white sheets of the hospital bed, he could tell that the logic-dedicated man had broke, and was crying.   
“I’m sorry Virgil...” Roman said, leaning and gently hugging him next to Patton.  
“We’re all sorry.”   
They stayed like that for a few hours.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm still a little sick so I'm sorry if the writing on this one is sloppy, I hope you enjoyed it anyway!   
> BTW, all interactions between Patton and Virgil, and any other characters, are platonic!


	3. Bad End

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this one’s so late! Been working on it all day between school work so I hope you like it!   
> Last chapter of this fic!

Patton held his head in his hands, shoulders fixed and his leg bouncing.   
The hospital hallway was busy, nurses and doctors rushing through the halls and other people sitting in the chairs lining the walls of the hallway.  
Some looked happy and excited, but most were just like Patton: riddled with anxiety and trying to deny the grief he was feeling.   
There was no need to be grieving! Virgil was going to be fine, after all! The doctors know what they’re doing, they’re professionals, they’ll be able to help him!   
Right?  
“Logan...” Patton mumbled through his hands, just loud enough that the man of logic should be able to hear him.   
When he didn’t get a response he looked up only to find he wasn’t sitting in the chair next to him as he was previously.   
“Logan?”   
Patton looked around the hallway, finding the glasses wearing brunette no where in sight.  
“He went to find a nurse.” Roman said blankly next to him.   
Patton spared a glance in his direction.  
Roman had one arm covering his eyes, his head propped up to be staring at the ceiling. His body was eerily still, polar opposite to Patton’s trembling person.   
“O-oh...” Patton said, slightly shaken by Roman’s state of being.   
Patton went back to his previous position, pondering the fate of his dark, strange son.  
Would he be alright?   
Was he going to survive?  
You can survive a slit wrist, right?   
It was rare, but it was possible.   
But then again.... by the time the paramedics had gotten there, Virgil’s body seemed to have already gone limp and oh G-d the blood....  
There was so, so much blood....  
And Damien....  
Patton felt his blood begin to boil and his hands turned to fists.  
The snake, he’d been taunting Virgil for as long as he was visibly conscious, ignoring Roman as he brutally and mercilessly threw his fists at the heterochromic slime ball of a man.  
Roman had beat him so much that when the paramedics HAD arrived they actually took in Damien for a bit of treatment.   
“Let me know what becomes of my little raccoon.” He’d said to them when they’d released him, holding an ice pack to his eye and bandages decorating his cheeks.   
“I’m off to dinner.”   
Roman had almost started throwing punches again.   
And Patton was a step away from joining him.  
“I’m going to go find Logan.”   
Patton got up from his seat and rushed down the hallway, leaving a silent, still, shell of a Roman behind.   
Everything seemed to blur by him as he speed-stumbled down the hall, and before he knew it he’d broken into a jog.  
Then a run.   
He dashed past blurred figures of what he assumed had to be people, or maybe hospital equipment.   
He bumped into a few figures, mumbling out slurred apologies as he continued to race down the hallway.   
Logan. He had to find Logan.   
He could hear noises and voices, all of which blurred together in a horribly uncomfortable cacophony of what honestly sounded as close to hell as anything earthly could come.   
Hospitals.   
G-d he was coming to hate hospitals.   
“This can’t be....”   
Patton stumbled to a halt.   
“Logan?”   
Everything started becoming clear again.   
The figures? Nurses and other employees. Families and friends waiting for their loved ones to come out ok.  
The noises? Doctors and people speaking to each other. Rushed, anxious, worried- cries of grief. They all resonated in this hospital hallway.   
He wanted to go home...  
He wanted to go home with Virgil and curl up on the couch with him and the others.   
Disney movies playing and everyone soundly sleeping, Virgil’s head resting on Patton’s chest as he ran his fingers through his hair.   
But...  
Logan had grabbed him by the shoulders and was gently shaking him.   
His mouth was moving, and he could read his lips to say “Patton, Patton!”   
The look on his face...  
Virgil wasn’t going home was he?  
Logan’s voice came back to his head and he responded quietly, desperately,  
“Is Virgil ok, Logan?”   
~~~~~~~~  
Logan’s hands slipped from Patton’s shoulders to his elbows.   
His head fell a little and he stared at the ground.  
How was he supposed to tell him?   
How was he supposed to tell him Virgil’s fate?   
That he was....   
That he was....   
That he was dead...  
“Oh G-d...” Patton whimpered.   
The nurse he’d been talking to walked up beside them and put her hands on each of their shoulders.  
“I’m so sorry, sirs.” She said gently.   
Logan began shaking and he could practically feel the last of Patton’s energy fall out of him.   
“Virgil is dead.” She said quietly.   
Logan’s ears started to fill with static.  
“I’m so, so sorry.”   
Patton started audibly sobbing, and the nurse was saying something.  
But he couldn’t hear it. All he could hear was Patton and static.   
His grip on Patton’s elbows became tighter, squeezing him to the point where his skin had begun to turn red and he was sure if he added anymore pressure he would break them.   
No, no no no no no no   
NO   
This couldn’t be happening.  
This wasn’t possible.   
He collapsed onto the ground, pulling Patton with him.   
He could hear Patton’s voice calling to him and trying to speak to him, but it sounded so muffled against the static.   
He flew his hands up to his ears, squinting his eyes and trying to fight back tears that threatened to fall onto the tile floor.   
Patton put his hands on Logan’s back, easing the static away a little.   
“It’ll be ok, kiddo...” Patton told him, trying to sound soothing but his gentle tone crumbled through his strained sobs.   
This couldn’t be happening.  
Logan wasn’t nearly as close to Virgil as Patton was but... they had still been friends.  
He remembered times when the two of them would scoff at Roman and Patton’s illogical actions. Calling out flaws in films.  
They had been friends. Good friends.   
As much as Logan wanted to claim that he was emotionless and had never felt anything, he had come to love and appreciate Virgil’s presence in his life.  
And now he was gone.  
This couldn’t be happening.  
Oh G-d, oh G-d, this couldn’t be happening.  
Logan screamed.  
~~~~~~~~  
Roman was finally broken from his train of blank, numbing thought when he heard a scream.  
Logan.  
That had been Logan’s scream!  
“Logan?” He jumped out of his chair and started sprinting to where the scream had come from.   
The hallways had become a little more quite after his scream but soon after it had faded they began to speak again.   
“Logan?!” He yelled out.  
G-ddamnit, first Virgil and now Logan?!  
“Logan please...”  
He’d already lost- NO   
VIRGIL WASN’T GONE VIRGIL WAS JUST FINE AND THEY WERE GOING TO GO HOME AND-  
He stopped when he hear Patton’s voice.   
The two were on their knees hugging each other. Logan had buried his head in Patton’s shoulder, sobbing harshly with hands in fists around his blue cardigan. Patton was rubbing circles on his back, himself crying harshly.  
A nurse was crouched next to them.   
“Sirs, please get up.”   
“Patton, Logan?”   
Roman knelt by their sides.   
“Are you with them, Sir?”   
“Yes.”  
“Are you here to see Virgil?”   
Roman looked at her.  
A dread had formed in his stomach but he used all of his power to push it down.   
He nodded his head.  
They couldn’t be crying because Virgil was....  
“I’m sorry sir, but Virgil is dead.”   
Roman felt his heart drop.   
Tears fell out of his eyes beyond his control and he started shaking.  
No.   
No fucking way.  
Roman felt like he wasn’t in his body anymore.   
He felt like he was was one of the other people leaning against a wall, staring at them.   
But he could still feel himself shaking, feel the cold tickle of hot tears streaming down his face.   
He fell back and caught himself on his palms.  
“Dead...?” He breathed out.   
~~~~~~~~  
It took a little bit for the 3 of them to ground themselves again.   
The nurse had to call for assistance to move them to a staff break room so they could calm down.   
Logan and Patton had launched into full on panic attacks, and Roman was still dissociating after they’d calmed down. 

“I can’t believe it...” Roman said after a while on the drive back home from the hospital.   
Patton mumbled something of a response, but it was both to quite and completely incomprehensible to the other two.  
Logan stayed quite.  
Roman exhaled exasperatedly. “What are we gonna tell Thomas?”   
“We’ll tell him that Virgil moved some place else after an emergency irrupted.” Logan said blankly. “And that there had been no time for goodbye.”   
“Why do you think he did it?” Patton spoke up, his eyes flickering away from the window to look at the man driving the car next to him.  
The other two were silent for a bit.   
A bit turned into minutes.  
Minutes turned into an hour.  
An hour of awkward silence. Of contemplation.  
Had this been their fault? No it couldn’t be, right?  
They all loved Virgil, even if they weren’t good at showing it (well except for Patton)  
“Damien.” Roman finally said.   
“You think this is Damien’s doing?” Logan asked him, flicking his eyes away from the traffic they were in to look at Roman in the rear view mirror.   
“Of course! That snake’s been doing everything he can to make Virgil’s life a living hell since they first met!” Roman exclaimed.  
He slammed a fist into the cushion of the car seat before yelling, “Of course he would’ve broken after a few years! Anyone would have!”  
The 3 were silent for a moment.   
Roman‘s figure eased a little, his breathing audible. He sounded like he was in the verge of tears.  
“It’s his fault, that snake...” he mumbled out as he bit his lip.  
“That would be the most logical conclusion.” Logan commented.  
“This, however, ISN’T a logical situation, Roman. Suicide isn’t logical.” Logan clenched the steering wheel a little tighter as he spoke. “No matter what problem a person may be suffering from, suicide is never the right nor logical answer.”   
Roman grumbled under his breath and Patton looked out the window again.   
“Well if it’s not his fault, then who’s is it? Ours?”   
“No,” Patton sat up and swung his head to look at Roman.  
“No, no! It’s not our fault!” He shouted.  
“Patton?”   
“Patton, please,” Logan put a hand on Patton’s shoulders and tried to direct him back to his seat. But the small man was far stronger than he seemed.  
“WE DIDN’T KILL HIM! IT WASN’T OUR FAULT, ROMAN!”   
“PATTON!”   
Logan looked between the cardigan wearing man and the traffic jams they were in.   
“IT’S NOT OUR FAULT! I DIDN’T KILL HIM, ROMAN!”  
The car suddenly swung to the side, slamming Patton into the side of the seat he’d bent behind and Roman into a passenger window.  
Patton looked at Logan, who’d come to a hault on the side of the road and was looking at him.  
“Patton,” He started.  
Roman looked like he was trying to melt into the car cushion.  
“I-I’m sorry...”   
Patton bent away and back into the passenger seat. He pulled his knees to his chest and cried.   
“I’m sorry, but it couldn’t have been our fault.”   
Logan exhaled through his nose and looked at Roman.   
“Than who’s was it, Patton?” Roman asked, a little angry.   
Patton just shook his head.  
How was he supposed to know? He was just as, if not more upset, than everyone else.  
He’d loved Virgil, he liked to think of him as his son. His dark, strange son who just needed a little love to come out of his shell.  
And he’d given him that love.  
And he’d killed himself.  
“I don’t know.... I don’t know....” Patton shook his head as he heaved out another sob.   
Logan ran a hand through his hair.   
“Fuck....” he murmured almost silently to himself.  
When had it started raining?   
“It’s not like he left a note...” Roman mumbled, putting his head on the window. Mimicking Patton he stared out the window and studied the rain, his arms crossed and brows furrowed.  
Logan exhaled for about the millionth time today.   
“We can’t know for certain.” He said to the other 2 finally.   
“Damien...”  
Patton shook his head.   
“We can’t know for sure...” Logan repeated, more to himself than the others.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m sorry this one’s come out later than I promised!   
> I had 2 other drafts that I wrote for this one, but I didn’t like the first one and scrapped it and ended up loosing the second one...  
> So here this one! Hope you like it!   
> Not sure when I’m gonna post another fic but don’t worry, I will!   
> I really like writing, I just have school work to do lol

**Author's Note:**

> My first fanfic ends up being a vent fanfic!  
> I have an idea for both a good and bad ending but I'm not quite sure if I'll post either yet. Let me know if you want me too!  
> -Author


End file.
